I was broken.

I am well aware of the fact, that most people that probably see me on Facebook, Instagram or Youtube assume my life is all colourful and amazing.

Guess what? Wrong.

Like most of us, we tend to only show the positive moments in our life on Social Media.

Let's go back to when I felt like nothing made sense anymore.

Last year my ex boyfriend and me broke up after almost two years of relationship. On the one hand I felt released and I realised I could not have made a better choice. On the other hand it hurt. So damn much. I thought he was the one. The one I was going to have an amazing life with.

And to be honest. It took me quite a while to get over it. Especially, because shortly after the break up, he got into a new relationship. At a stage, that I was not even able to get any guy close to me. I have lost all faith.

So, I decided a new chapter was going to begin for me as soon as I go to France to finish my last semesters. I was going to meet new people, have fun and work hard on my dreams. I set very high expectations for that part of my life. But well, as you can imagine, it did not come like that. Instead I found myself in a very depressed state, not wanting to leave, not wanting to see anyone, not knowing how I will survive a second semester in this country.

I was broken. 

Besides feeling like that, I wasn't happy anymore about who I was. I did not like the way I looked, the way I spoke, the way I dressed. Nothing seemed to fit. I hated myself. In my eyes, I was not good enough for this world. 

So the moment I could leave the country to go back home for Christmas and Winter holidays I was so happy. I was happy to have loving people around me again. 

I had a month.

A month to change my mindset again, to work on myself and become the person I wanted to be. I had a lot of time reflecting on my actions. But also to think about the horrible thoughts I have had throughout that time and I realised it was not worth it. 

I realised everything happens from within. All your true thoughts will turn into actions. Expectations won't change anything, actions will. So the mistake I have done was instead of focusing on bettering my life on myself, I put expectations onto other people, which weren't reached. Obviously. They never can.

The message of this post is that we all go through bad moments in life, but only those moments will make us realise certain things and will lead us to better and bigger things. Trust me, I have been through this and I have seen what it can change. 

For this reason: Never stop believing in yourself <3. You are amazing. 

With love, 

Jess x