I was broken.

I am well aware of the fact, that most people that probably see me on Facebook, Instagram or Youtube assume my life is all colourful and amazing.

Guess what? Wrong.

Like most of us, we tend to only show the positive moments in our life on Social Media.

Let's go back to when I felt like nothing made sense anymore.

Last year my ex boyfriend and me broke up after almost two years of relationship. On the one hand I felt released and I realised I could not have made a better choice. On the other hand it hurt. So damn much. I thought he was the one. The one I was going to have an amazing life with.

And to be honest. It took me quite a while to get over it. Especially, because shortly after the break up, he got into a new relationship. At a stage, that I was not even able to get any guy close to me. I have lost all faith.

So, I decided a new chapter was going to begin for me as soon as I go to France to finish my last semesters. I was going to meet new people, have fun and work hard on my dreams. I set very high expectations for that part of my life. But well, as you can imagine, it did not come like that. Instead I found myself in a very depressed state, not wanting to leave, not wanting to see anyone, not knowing how I will survive a second semester in this country.

I was broken. 

Besides feeling like that, I wasn't happy anymore about who I was. I did not like the way I looked, the way I spoke, the way I dressed. Nothing seemed to fit. I hated myself. In my eyes, I was not good enough for this world. 

So the moment I could leave the country to go back home for Christmas and Winter holidays I was so happy. I was happy to have loving people around me again. 

I had a month.

A month to change my mindset again, to work on myself and become the person I wanted to be. I had a lot of time reflecting on my actions. But also to think about the horrible thoughts I have had throughout that time and I realised it was not worth it. 

I realised everything happens from within. All your true thoughts will turn into actions. Expectations won't change anything, actions will. So the mistake I have done was instead of focusing on bettering my life on myself, I put expectations onto other people, which weren't reached. Obviously. They never can.

The message of this post is that we all go through bad moments in life, but only those moments will make us realise certain things and will lead us to better and bigger things. Trust me, I have been through this and I have seen what it can change. 

For this reason: Never stop believing in yourself <3. You are amazing. 

With love, 

Jess x

Never Ever Devalue Yourself.

How many times do we get into a situation where another individual is clearly treating us wrong but we still accept it?

Too many times.

At least in my case.

And it upsets me every time it happens, but I can't help it. I just believe I might deserve it. And it's wrong. So wrong.

But why do we keep devaluing ourselves? Because we believe, we don't have a choice and this is how life is supposed to be. But I tell you one thing. We DO have a choice. Every morning we wake up, we choose how our life can look like.

You have YOUR OWN LIFE in YOUR OWN HANDS.

And this is exactly what we keep forgetting. Life is flexible, and life is made through our choices. We have the power to create our own path. Doesn't that sound amazing? It does.

So from now one I want you think exactly that way. You only deserve the best, and you can choose the best.

With love,

Jess x

Failing big or small. It will happen. And we need to accept it.

Yes, it will. And not only once. And not when you expected it. And maybe you put in all the hard work but it didn't work out the way you imagined.

You know, I consider myself a very ambitious person. I know that when I want to achieve something, I will do everything to do it. A lot of times though, I get upset and disappointed with myself, because I did not live up to my own expectations. And that is the worst thing for me. For longer now I have put what other people think about me last, and instead I focused on what I want and what makes me happy.

But this made me realise how hard I am on myself sometimes. And instead of it actually helping me, it discourages me and I start hating myself for not being better and not living up to my own expectations. It sounds upsetting doesn't it?

These moments happen, when I am convinced I could be better, I could work harder and I should have been better by now. But instead I see myself as a failure of not being where I intended to be.

Today I realised though, that it is part of life. It is part of who we are and it is completely human to not always be satisfied with our own achievements. Actually, it is a good thing, because this will help us grown and become the person we are striving to be day to day.

So my message today is to stop being so hard on yourself and that failing is not a bad thing. It is part of life and it helps us realise how bad we really want to achieve something in life.

With love,

Jess x